Day 18 – Eyes Wide Shut
Stanley Kubrick’s final also takes place at Christmas. Did he know that this would be his last? Is that why it takes place in the final month of the year? I’ve been watching too much Room 237.
The film is a cautionary tale about peeking at your Christmas presents early. If you sneak behind your loved one’s back in anticipation the consequences can be dire. So remember kids, wait until Christmas to open your gifts.
Day 17 – Legion
Pregnant single mother. Check. Angels coming down from the heavens. Check. Old lady eating raw meat while spouting the apocalypse. Only at Christmas.
Be prepared for the upcoming Christmas apocalypse. One of these years you may have to mow down leagues and leagues of possessed people because God feels done with us. What will save you will be blind faith and puppy love.
Day 16 – Hebrew Hammer
Shalom to my Jewish brothers and sisters. Today’s Christmas movie is more of a Hanukkah movie. Andy Dick plays Santa Claus who is trying to destroy Hanukkah. I don’t think I need to explain any further.
Be tolerant of other faiths during the holidays. Happy Holidays is a completely appropriate saying at Christmastime. Santa himself thinks it’s fine, but that may have been what killed him. All I’m saying is don’t trust Andy Dick.
Day 15 – Tokyo Godfathers
The first and only anime on our list features three homeless people who find an abandoned baby in the garbage. Whether you are a big fan of anime or not this film is for everybody.
Christmas is for being with family, whether it is genetic or not. Everybody deserves a second chance and to be forgiven. The greatest gift is the love of those around you. Weirdly enough this is actually a well done and touching movie to be on this list.
Day 14 – Child’s Playion
Hooray. Another Chicago movie makes in on the list. Wait, it’s about a serial killer called the “Lake Shore Strangler” who places his soul into a doll. That’s probably not the kind of attention we want. Where’s While You Were Sleeping? At least nobody was killed in that one.
Don’t buy your kid a toy from a back alley in the Loop. It will not turn out well. Trust me. Also just try staying away from buying dolls that are kid-sized. They are creepy to begin with.
Day 13 – Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Another Shane Black directed film has made it onto the list. This time Robert Downey Jr. is on the run from a group of people who want to see him killed. And his love interest is a redhead. And he’s narrating. It sounds a little familiar to Iron Man 3.
Christmas is a great time to reconnect with lost friends. Especially when you coincidentally run into them in a completely different city at a party hosted by a person neither one of you really know. Don’t lie to everyone around you. It’ll come back. It always comes back.
Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Monty Python is the next on our list by starting the movie on the original Christmas night in a neighboring manger to Jesus Christ. On that night Brian was also born and we follow his life as he is mistaken for a messiah.
Some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you’re chewing on life’s gristle. Don’t grumble, give a whistle
And this’ll help things turn out for the best…
And always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the light side of life…
If life seems jolly rotten. There’s something you’ve forgotten. And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you’re feeling in the dumps. Don’t be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle, that’s the thing.
And…always look on the bright side of life…